How to maintain financial independence after merging finances

How to maintain financial independence after merging financesHow to maintain financial independence after merging financesOne question Im asked pretty often is this how should I merge finances with my partner? And there isnt a simple, one-size-fits-all answer to this. How and why you merge finances will depend on you, your partner, and your circumstances. But one thing I do know is that most women I speak to want to maintain a semblance of independence even if they do merge finances.Before I bought a house with my now-husband, I felt very strongly about keeping our finances separate. I thought that in order to be independent, I couldnt officially combine anything. Yes, we already had a shared credit card for things like groceries or dining, but that didnt really count, because he was just an authorized user on my credit card account.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreHowever, once we bought a house, and especially once I quit my job and took my geschftliches miteinander full-time, things got more financially complicated. We were relying on Dans salary to pay our bills, so it wasnt as simple as me paying all the bills and then Dan transferring over what he owed me. In fact, it was impossible for us to do that. And just because Dan was now the main breadwinner didnt mean that he wanted to take over managing our finances. So the solution was to open a joint checking account and have most of Dans paychecks deposit into it. That way, I could manage all the bills and track our budget using the income we were actually using.How you decide to approach this will depend on your situation, but there are several ways that you can maintain your independence while merging finances with your partnerKeep your own checking accountJust because you are opening a joint account doesnt mean that you have to close your own checking account. Its okay to maintain your own account for your own partieal spending purposes.Even though Dan and I primarily use our joint checking account for paying for things, we each maintain our own, separate checking accounts. We can do whatever we want with that money without having to answer to each other and it lets us feel a sense of independence. In fact, a small portion of Dans paychecks go into his checking account so that hes free to go out for drinks or buy lunch without it impacting our overall joint budget.Keep your own emergency savingsEmergency savings isnt just protection for when you lose your job, get injured, or your car breaks down. Its also there for you if your relationship breaks down and you need to find a new place to live ASAP. Of course, you hope the worst wont happen, but 50 percent of marriages do end in divorce, so its not unrealistic that it might happen someday. Thats just one reason why its so important to keep your own emergency savings.Dan and I each have our own emergency funds, and neither of us h as access to the others. Recently, we used some excess savings money to purchase a new car, and then we split up what was left so that we would each have the same amount in our savings. Of course, we can use this money together if something were to happen to our home or health, but its also there for each of us if something were to go wrong between us.Having this money set aside for yourself can give you extra peace of mind.Set ground rulesAs adults, we dont necessarily have to check in with our partner for every little expense. In fact, if your partner requires you to get permission or explain yourself whenever you spend money, you might be experiencingfinancial abuse. However, when youre sharing your life and your money with someone else, its important to have transparency and ground rules.Sit down before you merge your finances and outline some ground rules. Perhaps it means that if either person is going to spend more than $100 on something, they have to check in with the other first. Perhaps it means that you sign up for an app likeHoneyDueso that theres full transparency across the board. What your rules are will depend on you, your partner, and both of your needs. The important part is making sure you both agree to these ground rules and check in on them regularly.Assign a point personChances are, there isnt someone within your relationship who loooves to manage the finances. I personally might be somewhat of a rarity in that case. But that doesnt mean that no one in the household can take this responsibility. Someone needs to be a point person for your budget and your bills, or else things will go into disarray.In my household, I manage all of it. I created the budget based on our income and needs, I make sure the bills get paid, and I move money around when necessary. That wont necessarily work with everyone, because it might be too much for one person. If there isnt one of you who wants to manage everything, split things up Assign certain financial t asks to each other. Make sure that aligns with each of your strengths, so that things dont get forgotten or avoided.Have regular money check-insJust because youve assigned a point person and set up ground rules doesnt mean that you can set it and forget it. Money and relationships need constant maintenance. Set a regular time to sit down together and check in on your money. This could be weekly or monthly, whatever works better for your situation. However, its important that you dont take longer than a month to check in.Dan and I added this task to our weekly family meeting where we check in to review whats going on in the coming week, talk about what our meals will be, and discuss how things are going between us. Its taken a lot of emotional pressure off of me to review how our budget is going with Dan during these meetings. You get bonus points if you add something pleasurable to these check-ins, like a good meal or a tasty treat.These check-ins are not only important for making s ure youre staying on budget, but they are important for your relationship as well. Its a time to make sure that everyone is feeling happy and comfortable with the set-up. Its also a time to have difficult conversations about anything that might need to change.This article originally appeared on Maggie Germano.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people